QiGong Prison Ministry

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Hell on Earth Penetrated

This inspiring story/testimonial from one of my inside students is posted here after being reviewed and approved, but must remain Anonymous.  English is this man's second language and I have left it as he wrote it.

    Hell on earth, an existing universe created by mankind and inside our mind.  Yet, some of us will find that there is peace and beauty where least expected.  A place many would not survive unless one learned the techniques of respect, kindness and self control.  With meditation, we can find enlightenment and maybe a little bit of Heaven here on earth -- in my case, prison.

    Before I met Judy Tretheway, our Qigong instructor, my life was a living hell.  I say this because I'm in a place many would call hell on earth ... a prolong nightmare wishing I would wake up from.   I walked among hardened criminals like myself at the high security New Folsom Prison.  Our daily monotonous life is similarly compared to a caged animal being lock-up in a small concrete cell with a slit of a window completely sealed airtight from the world outside. ... Only sunlight penetrates through the glass window, a teaser to remind us living inside of the freedom they have missed. 

    By the time we get our yard for good behavior, most of us walk around on eggshells all day like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any minute.  Angry for being treated unfairly and being locked down for too long a period of time with nothing to do except wait ... and wait ... and wait some more for something to happen, or someone who would dare to challenge them.  I have seen and had more fights with other inmates than the normal person living in the street in their entire lives. 

    Hell was where I was living.  There was no meaning to life as I saw it in this God forsaken place. Walking in the valley of death is literally the term for it.  One will never know who or when something sharp will penetrate their body when their backs are turn.  Every minute and every second of everyday I have to put my guards up, assuming everything and everyone to be evil and dangerous to me.  Everywhere I go I have to watch my back fearing I will be devoured by evil ... until Judy came into our lives and introduces us fellow inmates the ancient techniques of QiGong and Tai Chi Chih. 

    After a few weeks of strenuous meditation practices, I felt extremely calm and at peace with myself.  There was something different in me like being reborn – similarly compare to the Christians being born again.  I've learned to accept my life as it is and that has opened my eyes to a whole new different view.  The way I walk and talk, the way I feel toward others, and the beauty I see in my surrounding left me at awe; like sweet candies, I couldn't get enough of it.  I hunger for more rhythms and new moves from Judy.  Whenever she shows up for our practices, everyone felt electrifying and full of energies at her presents. 

    In a loveless and uncaring place like this, we crave for her energy.  She brought peace into our lives in a place of violence ... a place of mistrust and paranoia.  Connecting us with the universe and finding the energy within.  Qi or Chi, as some of us call it, is in all of us.  It can be generated in the lower abdomen or the "Dan Tien", through QiGong or Tai Chi Chih moving meditations.  I know I have a lot more to learn from Judy – this wonderful woman who gave her devotions and patience with our clumsy, unbalance QiGong movements.

    On a sunny afternoon not too long ago, I was in the yard with fifty or so inmates.  As I got through exercising on the yard and was a bit exhausted and overheated in the hot sun,  I needed to find a shady area to relax and cool down.  Under the shadow of the light pole, I found myself sitting on the green grass with a narrow shade next to the chapel.  There are no trees, no kind of beauty that nature have to offer here at New Folsom, just the gentle breeze and the open blue skies.  Mankind's ugliness and cruelty have built this place we call hell to destroy our dignity, pride and have kept us from roaming God's beautiful earth.  Yet, as I sit there under the shade ... relax...eyes closed...feet cross... I took that perfect opportunity to meditate.  My personal believes with meditation of any kind is that it can cause healings within yourself and healing toward those we want to heal... It is like a prayer directly to God Himself – connecting with the universe.  My state of mind was calm and I thought about the QiGong movements Judy taught me.

    Imagining the movements flowing...slow and gentle...arms swaying gently like waves under the sea.  After about ten minutes of meditation, my whole body felt light as a feather like I was flying.  I can feel the Chi as strong as ever.  Everything around  me seem to look different like watching a black and white movie – only now in colors.  It all made perfect sense to me.  The ugly hellish place everyone came to know no longer existed through my eyes.  Not even the tall ugly concrete walls surrounding us could take away the wonderful feelings I had felt at that moment.  Where others see ugliness, I saw the beauty everywhere.  Even though I'm sitting in the prison ground and are surrounded with bad people, I felt it wasn't that horrible anymore.  I'm in a place most people would cringe at the thought of the word prison along, but there I was, sitting in the shade blissfully happy. 

    The tranquility I must have felt causes shock to others around me.  They were aghast to see something out of the ordinary, something they are not use to seeing in there banal life in here.  Others came to question me; some just stares quizzically like I'm some nut.  I can hear their criticism when they walked by.  People whom I knew and hang around with tried to shame me, or saying how insane I was sitting there meditating all by myself. Their ignorance had blinded their senses of caring and understanding toward others.  If the river flows one way, they all must go with the flow.  That is how it is in here, if someone acted differently, then they stand out and are ridicule by others.  I do understand why they reacted the way they do.  While I'm walking in the light, they are still surrounded by ugliness and darkness known to them as hell.  I'd tried explaining to them, but it was to no avail.  They do not see what I have seen.

    Paramahansa Yogananda once said, "Your eyes register only a limited degree of the creative vibration that makes up everything  in creation... Those persons who have perceptive eyes enjoy beauty everywhere."  I thought I was the only one who had felt this wonderful git until I read one of his quotes.  He made perfect sense where I had failed to explain.  I felt it, but I could not express it even in simple terms.

    Hell on earth ... does it really exist?  Of course it is.  Unless you have meditated, and believe in meditation, you will not understand what I'm telling you.  There is a calmness feeling when a person meditates.  It is known that when a person meditates, the chemicals in their body changes, their mood changes, and their reactions changes Hell on earth does exist, but only in the mind of those who think they are so.  We can all find heaven in a place we came know as hell.  Just look around and you shall find!  The hell I was living in sometimes creeps up behind my back, but now I know there is a cure to wade off that lifestyle.  At last I come to understand the meaning of life and the beauty God had created for me, and maybe for you too ... even in prison.

19:45 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Friday, August 10, 2007

Healing Stories #2

I was also able to get permission to share this story from a different insider. -- Judy

 Self healing with my own hands

 I started studying QiGong with Judy about a year ago and the benefits have been many.  Among other things, I have learned how to remain calm and have peace within myself regardless of what else is going on around me. This comes in pretty handy since at this time I reside in New Folsom Prison.  Along with Qi Gong I have also been studying Reflexology and self healing in general. 

Using QiGong and working the proper reflex points I have been able to improve my eyesight.  I no longer have to have my glasses to read. 

I suffer from chronic acid reflux or at least I use to.  Through meditation and massaging my organs and stomach, I no longer need my medication every day.  In fact at this writing It has been about seven weeks since I last found it necessary to take it.

I also suffer from piles, which at times bleed quite heavy and what doctors call a prolapsed rectum, which is very painful at times. The same thing causes both conditions, congested veins.  Being in the same area both conditions have the same reflex points in the hands and feet.  One night recently, I was working these reflex points in my hands when I actually felt the congestion break up and the swelling go down. This is something I didn’t expect and to be honest it kind of scared me at first, the relief being so sudden.  Since then I have worked on these reflex points with a little extra care and am happy to report that I haven’t been bothered by either condition since.

So hey, find those sore or tender spots and work them out, do it daily, you’ll soon feel much better for it, I know I sure do.

Hey Judy, you are a special person and we all love your life, thanks for everything.

19:05 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Healing Stories #1

This story of healing was written by on of my students some time ago, and I now have permission to post it on this blog.  Some edits have been made as the original story was much longer. Because of prison regulations he must remain unnamed ---Judy

 … sometime in August of ’04, I noticed a lump on the right side of my chest. When I first noticed this lump, there was a certain amount of pain associated with it anytime I brushed across my chest showering or laying on my stomach.  This was quite alarming for me, as I believed that I was a prime example of excellent health; non-smoker, non – drinker, no drugs, no allergies and so on; a sense of panic set in.

A couple of weeks later, another lump appeared on the opposite side of my chest as the first one grew to the size of a large grape.  Now I was dealing with two painful lumps, along with a foreboding sense of dread. I muster the courage to submit a request to be seen by a doctor in October … a doctor saw me in December and I was referred to an outside clinic for a series of mammograms and sonograms After I raised a ruckus I got the tests in February and the results in April. 

Meantime, I’m involving myself in various forms of meditation to still my mind. I’m speaking with God more often while feeling chi, life force, spirit, energy move within me as I practice Tai Chi Chih.

Reflecting on my condition, I saw how overtime, I’d begun to get away from the “peace of self” and the love of “ALL THAT IS”,  I’d begun to allow ill feelings towards my situation, my surroundings and the activities of my captors to seep in and turn love into hate.  I’d grown used prison and allowed it to soak into my self.  I’d begun a dark journey down the road towards becoming a prisoner.  Not in the body; but in my soul.  For over a decade, I had resisted this, but I lost my balance and this experience had begun to chip away at my self.

The cure was as simple as coming back to my center … listening to “all that is” and rejoining the group of “us’ who make up “ALL THAT IS”.  It was akin to walking out of a  pitch black room with no oxygen inside, onto the most perfect beach displaying a midsummer’s sunset.  Words are wholly deficient to convey the epiphany … So I’ll not ruin it by trying.

Back to the medical condition of the physical … about a week after the tests were run, I went to bed one evening and woke up the next morning and the lump on the right side of my chest had disappeared.  Not shrunk … not was getting smaller … it was gone … overnight.  By the time I’d been taken back to the doctor to read the results and get a diagnosis, one lump had vanished and the other was shrinking. I’d been tested on 2/28/05 and by the time I get a diagnosis on 4/13/05, I was on a clear path to recovery … minus man’s medicine.

I had been stilling my mind.  I had been surrendering to the flow of TCC.  When I wasn’t engaged in my daily session of movement with the meditation, I was taking my instructor’s advice of “moving while sitting” and participating in the movements within my mind … visualizing the moves when I couldn’t physically move.  While being transported from prison to clinic in chains and shackles … I was with the chi and moving in my mind and spirit.  While sitting and waiting and wearing pounds of mental chains … I was with the chi and moving in my mind and spirit.  This kept me centered in spirit.

Upon reading the test results, the doctor advised me that I had developed benign gynecomastra and surgery was the usual course of action to remove the lumps, more so for cosmetic purposes than of necessity, in order to relieve the pain and rid an individual of unsightly growths.  I was told this condition arises when the body overproduces a particular hormone to battle an internal injury and a mass of scar tissue results.  To determine a time to schedule surgery, I was directed to remove my shirt and as the physician began to examine me, he looked up in wonderment and asked if I knew why or how one lump had disappeared and the other was fading.  I smiled and replied; “Don’t you know, you’re the professional?”  With that, it was of course determined that I wouldn’t need to go under the knife.

As I write this on December 12, 2006, I have no signs of lumps, bumps or bruises in the physical and I continue to nurture my relationship with “ALL THAT IS”, and the mental and spiritual are relieved that I’ve deserted the path towards becoming a prisoner.  I’m more myself more often these days and it’s a grand feeling … a grand feeling indeed.

18:59 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Friday, July 21, 2006

Heart Quickening Stories

I never knew how much I loved you
How could I?
All I know is that you and I stood at the edge of the river
Deep inside Folsom prison
Surrendering into its flow
Together we were swept away
Finding each other in the infinite chi
Losing each other in transfers and lock downs
Years later I find you
Locked up in Avenal
And once again we dive into the river
Surrendering to the joy in our hearts.

Have you ever felt, like I have, your heart bursting with emotion, joy, sorrow or just energy, like wings flapping or water swirling, or an inward melting?  I like to use the phrase heart quickening when I think of these times when my hands intuitively rises to cover my chest, as if to keep the vastness of the universe from escaping.  It reminds me of the use of the word quickening to describe those first felt stirrings of a fetus inside your tummy.  This energy seems to have a life of its own, indicative of such vast potential and yet so intimate. When I feel it in myself, when I feel it in another, I am tuning into a vibrating, magnetic and ecstatic fullness that swells in the heart and rises up into the throat.

    I suspect you have felt this way when hearing your lover’s voice after an absence, watching your child graduate, or even in a special communion with the Holy. Have your hands too reached intuitively to cover your heart or your mouth when aroused by a sentimental story, or vision of profound beauty?  Ah  … the sweet fullness. Who are we to contain all this love?  Words are impossible to find and our eyes leak.  

    To be speechless in moments like these is normal.  However, if we experiment with talking and writing about these experiences perhaps our heart wisdom would become more of a collective wisdom.  To this end, I’d like to offer some stories that are not about a lover’s love, or pride of a parent, nor are they moments of awe and rapture as we normally experience them.  Because these are moments with relative strangers I feel they are pointing to a deeper wisdom offering evidence of the web of inter connective ness that holds us profoundly and links us one to another.

    What can these stories have to teach us about the heart’s energy, spiritual bonds and relationships? Perhaps in their sharing, the next steps in understanding and wisdom will arise.

   Let me tell the stories:

    Scene:  Avenal Prison, second visit 5 months after the first.
Nov. 2004.
The chaplain and I slip in the back door to the chapel area, he holds the door open for me so I enter first. There sitting quietly on a bench is M, with his head hanging, eyes on the floor.  
    My heart recognizes him before my brain even registers the familiar face.  There is such a crashing and excitement in my chest. Tears come to my eyes and my brain kicks in quickly to remind me of the restraint appropriate in greeting an “insider”.  My hand grips his shoulder and I lean over to look in his eyes and tell him how wonderful it was to see him again after all this time.  
    He welcomes me back with his energy and eyes.  
    A hug would have been just what we both needed but is not permitted between volunteers and inmates.
    I haven’t seen M. for maybe 3 years.  He had been a regular at Old Folsom, a close friend of one of my senior students.  We hadn’t talked much; I didn’t know anything about him or his story. I didn’t know what had happened to him when he no longer came to class.  I didn’t know he was transferred to Avenal.  Yet years before, we had moved together in that deep space of the QiGong practice (Tai Chi Chih) over and over.  My soul had recognized his and was jumping for joy inside my heart.  
    His assistance in the class that followed was powerful, as the moves came back quickly (he had stopped practicing after being transferred), and he returned to the feelings of wholeness and peace that they provoke.  It did not take much encouragement for him to share with the men about the transformative nature of the movements and the inner peace they bring.  
    I have not seen him since, but remember vividly the energetic response of my heart energy to his.

Scene:  Prison Chaplain’s conference. Motel in Visalia. Fall 2005.
    I was standing with a few other Buddhist volunteers at our tables promoting meditation practices in prison.  Bounding up with great enthusiasm comes a man very eager to see me. His energy leaps out before him catching me up in his excitement.  His eyes are alive with joy and gratitude.  
    My own heart is flipping inside out which my mind observes and is puzzled. What’s this all about?  Who is this beautifully tattooed man my heart recognizes but my mind does not?
He is eager to be recognized and says so, “Don’t you recognize me?” he asks.
    “I recognize your eyes” is the response that comes straight from my heart.  What did my heart know what my mind did not?  
    “Avenal” he said.
    “You were there when I went in?”
    “Yes” he says reaching out his hand to shake.  
    I instinctively reach forward with both arms (He is free now). It was an excited hug, hearts jumping up and down, but not a long one.  We are man and woman who don’t really know each other except spiritually.  Thrilled to behold a student free, I relish looking at him. He has a beautiful Kwan Yin tattoo on his arm that I touch lightly.  “How long have you been out?”  
    “Almost a year, I have a job now with the Buddhist Peace Fellowship guiding the prison program.”  
    Standing in the middle of a group of Buddhists, I fumble finding the right words to ask, “I don’t want to sound attached to results, but I am so wanting to know … did practice groups happen?”  
    “Oh, Yes!” he said, amazed that I wouldn’t have known what an impact my two classes had had on the men and the Yard.  The Muslim group was practicing as well as the Buddhist group and some of the others.  All visitors and the regular Buddhist volunteer had been stopped from coming. He was not surprised that I had not been able to return.
    Later, Helen who had been standing next to me told me that she couldn’t remember when she had witnessed so much love, devotion and gratitude flashing between two people.  “If I ever doubted the efficacy of my efforts, I should remember this moment,” she counseled me.
    For days after, just to remember the reunion and his gratitude would bring so much fullness into my heart that I could only cry out in the wonder of it all.

Scene: Old Folsom walking out after class in front of five tiers of cellblocks, guards and other inmates all finding their way back to their cells before the four o’clock count. 2005.  
    That day in class a new man had come.  We had had a short conversation, perhaps a handshake, but no particularly unique one-on-one interchange.  Perhaps a half hour had passed since class had finished.
    I was walking up behind a group of men. My pace was quicker and I was closing in, but still about four feet away. One of these men startled and whirled suddenly around to look at me.  I recognized him as the new man from class.  
He was reassured once he saw me, but obviously shaken by something that had just happened for him.
    I merely smiled and offered an open, curious look.
    “What just happened?” he asked.  
    “Tell me.” I responded, not willing to guess.  
    “Just now, as I was walking, I was overcome with a deep feeling or peace and contentment.  It felt just like I was back in class.  I couldn’t fathom why that feeling would happen here in front of the cells. What happened to me?”  
    “My guess is that your energy felt mine as I got closer and triggered the memory.”  
    “Oh”, he said, still struggling with the experience.
    “I hope you come back to class,” I said quietly, “you have a natural ability to feel the energy flow.”  
    He smiled having relaxed with my positive validation of his experience.  
    I continued on towards my car awed by the experience.

Scene: New Folsom Prison, C Yard. Chaplains office Summer 2005.
    I am sharing with the Chaplain when and J. walks in.  The previous week, we had spent 15 minutes in meditation together enjoying the communion of stillness and our common trust of the Holy that pervades our lives.  We had each have had deep spiritual experiences with the same Swami.  He is not one of my QiGong students.  Standing to greet him, I get only half way up before my heart starts scrambling inside my chest.  
    Whoa, I think, surprised at the energetic exchange happening between our hearts as mine comes closer to his (I am still several feet away).  I sit back down, looking at him, and say with my eyes, “Did you feel that?”      He says something like, “the Guru has got us.”
    We laughed together and I left to let him speak to the chaplain and get my class started.
    I know only little of this man and his story.  I do know that to meditate with him is easy and peaceful.  

What’s going on?

    These stories illustrate the deep bonds that form quickly within the communion of meditation, especially a body practice such as our QiGong (Chi Kung) classes.  We have surrendered to a communal pulse of energy, sharing ourselves from a place deep within, where there are no words, no judgments, no expectations.  In that we have known each other as the Holy knows us.  Not a knowing of the mind, with thoughts in the brain, but a knowing of the heart, of the core.  We have met each other in the “neutral zone,” in liminal space, the unconditioned void.  Sufi poet Rumi said it best, “There beyond right or wrong is a field, I’ll meet you there.”

    Trusting that more “scientific” explanation would come along, and I received a hint as I read, “We are all Savants” in the December 2006 issue of Shift: At the Frontiers of Consciousness, the Journal of the Institute of Noetic Sciences. Diane Powell in writing about quantum processing in the brain discussed a phenomenon known as “entanglement”:

“Physicists have found that two particles can be entangled, or capable of influencing one another instantaneously while separated at vast distances. Entanglement provides a means for consciousness to be coupled to other locations in space-time or for consciousness between individuals to be coupled – in short, a mechanism for telepathic communication.”

15:50 Posted in Journal - my journey , Qi-Field Writings , Reflections , Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Monday, February 27, 2006

Practicing in a Zen Temple

Cleaning out my bags I found a thank you note with a pencil drawing of one student’s cell.  “This is where I practice”  He noted.  “Thank you so much for all of your time and help.”

12:20 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

All the protection I need

… my true self

22:20 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

Friday, January 06, 2006

One Prisoner's Experience

The following was printed in The Vital Force, the newsletter for T’ai Chi Chih teachers, since it is by the same student of mine who wrote the earlier blog entry, I will leave his name out to meet prison requirements.

    The first time I attended a T'ai Chi Chih class, what stood out to me the most was the instructor's continual stressing of the importance of becoming soft and to release the tension.  As I heard this, I thought to myself:  "Doesn't she realize this is a maximum security prison and everything about this is 'hard' and it has to be.  All are 'tense' and that's the key to survival here?" Alright, I can dig that these concepts may go over well on the other side of the wall, but not surrounded by guard towers, 30-foot walls, concertina wire, mace, gas and stark raving madmen.  Not a chance. But I kept an open mind and at least figured I would gain some physical benefits and whatever else came about would be a bonus.

    As time went on, and I became more fluid and comfortable with the movements, I began to focus more on the meditative aspects that the form brings about once I was able to let go of thinking so much on the moves. In doing so, the chi began to move and its presence felt more often and the feeling that came along with that opened me to something. It opened me up to the stillness of self.  That stillness inside, played a factor in my opening up.  My opening up to not only the stillness itself, but a connection to "All That Is." I began to not only merely conceptualize this connection in the mind, but I began to feel this connection more often from the heart.  I began to graduate from thinking this connection, to living this connection.

    Awhile later, Sr. Antonia [spiritual guide for T'ai Chi Chih] was able to come and share some time with our class and she also went over the need to be “soft” in your movements and the effort of no effort and by this time, I was able to go beyond “hearing” the words!  I could “feel” their meaning.  It was easier for me to release tension that I had no idea was so prevalent in all of my being.  I was able to become “soft.” It was surprising to me to realize that softness did not equate to “weakness.” The strength that accompanied becoming soft was a kick.  I began to experience different attitudes and responses from my fellow prisoners.  In a place where everyone from prisoners to guards are generally on edge and braced for conflict, be it physical or verbal, I had begun to bring a new format to the table that not many were used to here.  Having learned to soften my wrists and knees, open my hips and let go, the tension from head to toe, I'd not realized existed; I had come back full circle to the center of my natural being.  I was remembering to be me.

    There arose a situation where an individual approached me with all intentions to incite a verbal battle and I simply stood on my “Bubbling Spring,” [energy gate on the soles of the feet] smiled and acknowledged that I understood him, because I understood myself.  This visibly shook and frustrated him since it was far from the negative energy that he craved in that moment and he could do nothing but shake his head and walk away confused, wondering why such a usually reliable tactic had failed so miserably to achieve the desired results.  Later that evening, the same individual approached me to ask why I had not at least cussed him out, (which obviously wouldn't have satisfied his needs of that time), and I replied that I was a simple man and his internal restlessness was simple enough for me to understand on several different levels and he still was unable to grasp my stillness.

    Sure there are times when I just don't feel “it,” but during those periods, if I'll just go ahead with my practice, no matter what my mind may want to do, by the time I complete all of the movements, I've reminded myself to concentrate inward and let go.  If nothing else, the chi has reminded me to stay with me and in the moment.

    Overall, T'ai Chi Chih has been instrumental in recent history to settling me in the quiet of my center and in that center, opening me to the connection that we all have to one another and “All That Is.”  Remembering this completes the circle.  There is no way that a person who practices diligently and with openness could not settle in this manner.  The flow of chi emanating from the Tan Tien and rolling through the hips to the knees and soles, up the chest and back, down the shoulders to the elbows and wrists on to the fingertips is akin to a calm ocean at sunset, lapping at the shores with a low rumble.

    When I come to the conclusion of a movement, settle it in a graceful conclusion and the yin/yang “balls” inside the “pinball machine” that is my being come together at rest, a charge is felt between the palms.  Mother Earth can leave no doubt as to the interconnectedness of it all.  The circle is complete.


 

22:35 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

Monday, December 12, 2005

"Do we matter?" an inside student asks

(This was originally entered on 12/14/2006, but I want it to be seen by more readers, so I have made it the lead entry once again.)

READERS:  
This Folsom inmate student wants to know:  
Is this blog nothing more than a voyeuristic glimpse of the so-called dark side?

(After taking a hard-copy of this blog inside for my students to see what I have been writing about them, one dedicated student requested permission to submit a blog comment.  We got all the necessary approvals and one of the conditions is that it remain anonymous.  Unless otherwise restricted, I will be able to share your comments with him.)

I had the privilege to read excerpts form your blog. It amazes me to learn of the changes in technology that allow people globally to share the experience and take a peek at this side of the wall. It was a pleasure to see how you relay the essence of your journey and to expose the world to what is ”the light” in all people, including what many view as the dregs of society.

I was disappointed at how few readers had chosen to interact with your experience and make comments on your blog.  It was almost like watching people watch some sort of “entertainment” and leaving it as such.  That’s sad because the subjects of your prison outreach are people.  We are members of society … outcast for the time being, but members nonetheless.  Even more importantly, we’re spirits, we’re souls, we’re members of the whole of entirety.  We are one. More often than not, the members of the whole who park in these places will be returning to society at large and how they’ll succeed or fail upon release and that certainly will have an impact on the collective.

What you do Judy, is reside in faith and answer to the Ultimate when called upon.  What you do is God’s work and for the greater good of all.  What you’ve done for me to bear witness to, is not teach, not guide, not instruct, but serve as a vessel for re-memberance.  What you engage in is spirit work and that’s always of great import; but especially so for those who may have lost touch with their original sprit. That original spirit that we all are that is pure Love.

Personally, I’d lost touch with that aspect of my being.  Its inherent in us all, but some stray more than others from the origin and give way to the worldly self-indulgence of the mind and body and laws are broken … not just man’s legal codes, but natural laws.  At a young age, I became a rapt servant of all the mental and physical parts of my being.  It was all so new and exciting and good genes made most things easy for me, so I didn’t need to try hard at much of anything besides keeping myself satisfied.  Trouble is, that self I was satisfying neglected the third party of the pyramid … my spirit. Years upon years of neglect of my spiritual self left me a monster with little to no regard for anything not feeding my immediate satisfaction. All humans carry the ability to act out this way, but we do it to varying degrees.  Some of us take that extra serving of food; crack the seal on a bottle of vodka; some of us grab a pistol and run roughshod over the countryside in an orgy of blind delight  … various ends of the spectrum, but all selfish acts.

After being convicted of breaking several of mans legal codes and having been shipped off to the coldest, darkest corners of the state to suffer at the will of the people; the stage was perfectly set for me to sink deeper into the abyss of self minus spirit and grow apathetic, vengeful and even more dastardly in the pot of boiling existence that is physical prison with its aura of hate, violence, plots and subplots, desperate convicts and corrupt cops.  It’s easy to give in and go with the flow of continuing cycle of degradation.  Debasement of others, self and all else you can reach is the natural path many elect to follow.  It keeps you alive here.  It protects you from the rest of the pack.  It makes you a force. Your have power and feel a taste for more.

I’ve played the games, I’ve been down and dirty and could tell stores that would bring a pall of horror over the Dali Lama’s face, but at the end of the day, the only thing that truly made me happy was Love.  I don’t mean love of a woman, love of money; of comrades or any otherworldly item … I mean love of God.  Love of all that is.  Love of self.  Love of the infinite. Love of all of your spirits.

This Judy, is what you bring with you to prison.  You show with your work that love does exist… along the lines of unconditional love one expects to receive from family … raw love, spirit-to-spirit, that we all share as members of the same God body.  I am you; you are I; and we all are one.  You answered the call to shine the light that pure love with no strings attached exists.

I ask each of your blog readers to evaluate their own experience because it goes so much deeper and purposeful than a voyeuristic glimpse of the so-called dark side. There is love and light everywhere if you’re open and nothing must be dark.  Nothing has to be dark and all can be whole.  All can be complete.  

What value do they place upon your service? What do they feel about the fact that many people are released from prison daily and few have fixed what put them there to begin with?  Does it matter if people such as you open doors for spirits to walk through?  Or is it just important that “justice” is served?


The above was edited by 1/3rd. For the full version of his comments:

full-version-matter.2.doc

16:05 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this

Monday, September 19, 2005

Smuggled testimonial

Cleaning through my materials I take in and out of prison, I found this note that an inmate had anonymously left for me:

The T’ai Chi Chih class is an unexpected island oasis
with enchanted mystical tropical rain drops
in a sea of sometimes negativity and conflict.  
It is a joyous calming event
that reduces stress
and allows for peaceful centering
of positive life force energy.

12:35 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Friday, August 26, 2005

Comments are treasured

What  delight to receive this comment from a former Folsom prison man who is now out and finding his way.  It was so special I didn’t want it to get lost in the comment section.  For the past 9 months I have had less than 10 comments, yet the statistics say more than 500 people a month log on.  How do these stories touch into your life?  Please feel free to comment as you are moved to...
Gratefully, Judy

Here is his comment and then my reply, they are also in the comments section on the right side.  Regarding: "Hope and optimism" :

"With respect you have no idea how many men you have touched or how deeply.

As a man who walked the yards of many prisons for over 14 years I want once again share how much your work affected me and others around me.

Remember that you are seen every time you come to a yard by hundreds of men who are far more effected by your actions and consistency than by the simple lessons in the practice of Tai Chi Chih.

Years after they left the yard men have come up to me to talk of their experiences in your practice sessions in the Chapel at Folsom. As the shared with me the whole way they carried themselves softened and became more open to those around them.

I honor your work.
Greg Callaghan "Persistent Turtle"

My reply:

I return a deep bow to you and your gracious comments.  My heart leaped and cried in recognition of this truth…. I had a dream a while back that impressed upon me the great privilege it is to have been chosen to take such an easily received form of Unconditional Love inside. For indeed it is Love that does any healing.  I give thanks that Holy finds me worthy, for I receive so much and build my weeks around these journeys inside..

Greg, Blessings on your new life outside prison walls. I wish the regulations would permit us to correspond or see each other, but they don't.  Know that you are in my prayers constantly and that the work you did to sustain and promote the QiGong group inside Folsom prison carries forth, empowered by your love, past and present.

02:30 Posted in Reflections , Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Testimonials

Testimonials from students in Old Folsom Tai Chi Chih class taken October 2001

I have been practicing Tai Chi Chih for a year and am recovering from Cancer. This practice has helped me reconnect with my physical body after chemotherapy. Gradually I have been rebuilding my strength and healing physically as well as spiritually. The movements seem to help me open up blocked energy and allow greater healing.

I have been practicing just 13 weeks but I already feel such a wonderful sense of peace and serenity. I have found a new humbleness when I greet people and interact with them. This is something new for me. It’s just very hard to describe; I am going through many changes and do not know quite what to expect. Even my wife has noticed my new calmness. When I practice I loose myself in the movements and I can let go of my frustrations.

I too have been practicing just about 13 weeks. What I get most from the practice is relaxation. I come and go now with greater peace. I have a greater peace of mind. I don’t have to be on my guard

I have been practicing for two months and have noticed a positive flow of energy and I can let it all out.

I have been practicing for 9 months. Many different things have been going on in my life that have been good. I’m normally very outspoken; I have learned how to restrain myself, to be quiet. I conduct myself better. I see good growth in character in myself that I can’t explain.

I have been practicing for 3 years. I like the physical exercise, it is mellow and soft. I find Tai Chi Chih balances well with structured physical exercise. I get great benefits with out a conscious effort. Being from San Francisco I used to watch the old Chinese women practice. Now I see there was something to their movements. We are very lucky to be able to practice in a group here in prison. I find I am more balanced, I can concentrate better and I am more relaxed.

I have been practicing for two years and for me this is an important spiritual discipline. It balances the yin and yang of life and cancels out positive and negative thoughts. I find a state of stillness and serenity. For me, what is important is the Te, or inner serenity. I seem to evolve into a higher state of awareness and awakening as I practice. I have been able to break from attachment, and discover the principles of impermanence, or constant changing. I enjoy being in the present moment with the Tai Chi Chih moves. It’s a special place where we don’t have a future and aren’t looking into the past.

I have been practicing for a year and a half. The practice has helped me find patience and reduce my anger and frustration. It balances my positive and negative impulses. My family has noticed a great deal of change in me. They say I have mellowed out. Change is good. I like it.

I have been practing for 4 years now. I have bad sclerosis of my back. A year and a half ago I quit for a month. I was forced to spend time in bed it got so bad. Now I don’t every skip practing. For me it’s a battery recharge. After practice I function so much better for all day. I get great benefits from each aspect of the program, the spiritual, the mental and the physical. I also practice silent meditation. The Tai Chi Chih is different. Tai Chi Chih incorporates both the physical and the spiritual and provides a good balance, a good way of life.

I have been practing since 1998. Tai Chi Chih remindes me of the Reiki I had practiced earlier in my life. I visualized light early on when I was doing the movements, now I see them nurturing me as a child. I am learning to love my self in a soft way. The arthritis in my shoulders and back as well as my stomach hernias has improved with my Tai Chi Chih practice. For me Tai Chi Chih is moving prayer. I love to practice in the group; I value the group practice as much as anything else.

I have been practicing for two years; it has made me more grounded. The difference is like the fine line between yin and yang.

I have been practicing for four years now. The first time I met Ed, he commented, “You have a lot of upper body strength. Tension is an adversary with Tai Chi Chih.” He suggested I get the tension out of my moves, but did not tell me how. I sat in sitting meditation and asked for guidance. The word I heard was “femininity”. I studied Judy’s (Judy Tretheway is the Volunteer sponsor) upper body movements. She held her elbows close to her body. By focusing on relaxing my elbows, I lost the tension and then the practice came into full bloom for me. A feather needs air; a feather didn’t need any air to support. The changes in me have been great. There is a new peacefulness others recognize. I keep my anger in check, and believe me there are plenty of opportunities to test my anger here in prison. TCC provides an opportunity to truly sole search. With this new courage to look, I found fear at my core. I grew up in violence, the cause of my fear. The Tai Chi Chih has helped me remove the fear and replace it with strength and balance. Now what is deepest in my core is love.

I have been practing for eight months now. I recently had to be in the county jail and the situation for me was very tense. When I got to the yard, I did my Tai Chi Chih practice and the heavy burden just dropped away. Tai Chi Chih has helped me control my behavior. When I focus on the dan tien I feel a funny numbness in my hands; the chi I guess. I have more self-confidence and self-control. I am better able to balance the yin and yang in my life. I really enjoy our classes in the chapel and practice on the year for 2-3 hours a day.

16:25 Posted in Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

Monday, January 17, 2005

Practicing Tai Chi Chih in prison - An inmate's testimony

This article was written by one of the founding members of our Tai Chi Chih Class at Folsom Prison and published in the Vital Force, the teacher newsletter for the form.

Some teachers hand this out as a motivational handout to inspire their students on the outside.
--------------

Folsom inmate describes effects of regular practice of T’ai Chi Chih
The Vital Force Journal, March 1999

My name is Phil (AKA “Frenchy”). I am an inmate currently housed in Folsom State Prison. I have been incarcerated since 1984 and am considered a “long termer” – I’ll be here for a while yet. Since my incarceration I have been working at self-rehabilitation. In these efforts I have been involved in a number of groups and programs and learned a lot from them. In 1996 I was able to become a part of an inmate-originated program that secured sponsors both “outside” and “staff”. We named it “The Contemplative Fellowship”. At first we learned silent meditation. Through the years other styles and forms of meditation have also been shared by others.

About a year ago I was able to start down the path of T’ai Chi Chih. One of our group is Jim Hecker who is now a certified instructor. He began giving classes and sharing this with others. I became one of those students and now have progressed to being an assistant – basically showing new students, through example, how the movements are done. This group is growing and being taught every day of the week now here at Folsom.

I was asked to share some of the things that I have gained through doing T’ai Chi Chih. I am really still at the beginning of this journey and yet the benefits have already become a very real part of my life. It’s funny when I look at it. The first time I saw Jim doing it I almost laughed and wondered how moving around in such a fashion would ever begin to help me. I also respected Jim and since we had shared silent meditation together I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to try it.

For me, the beginning was slow. I have had several very serious injuries in my life. The muscles that attach under my shoulder blades are now held in place, my knees are bad, my arms are not too much better off. For years I took pain medication as well as relaxers to get through the day. When I began T’ai Chi Chih I experienced a lot of pain and discomfort and after a time, burning sensations were added to that. I’m really not sure then the changes happened but change did come. One day I noticed that the burning sensation sort of collapsed like a balloon and just spread out. It was a while after that I noticed that the supply of pills I had was growing. I wasn’t taking them. I didn’t need them. I’m blessed with being able to practice twice a day. As a result I find I seldom ever need medication. I have walked for years with one shoulder noticeably lower than the other. I don’t anymore. My knees seldom ache like they always used to do and the stiffness in my forearms has become a thing of the past. This is Chi at work, I was told. I believe it. I am in better health than I have been for a long time. I have also lost two notches off my belt as a result. I was never “overweight” but the practice has placed me in better shape there too.

I feel I also need to share about the spiritual and mental gains that have come with regular practice. I have found a peace that is real; I also have patience, understanding and sharing abilities I have never had before. I also have found that the stress and tension that life in prison brings is vastly reduced. Life has become a lot more joy than it’s been in a very long time. It’s hard to say one can be happy within the walls of a place like this but I am at peace as well as enjoy the life I have. I have work, hobby and meditation. I am constantly on the go. I attend as many meetings as I can, it has become a way of life for me.

I also feel I should share some of the intents that I have. It’s my goal to become involved even more in the Fellowship. To do so I have even more to learn. I hope some day to become certified (to teach T’ai Chi Chih) myself. I feel this should be shared with every inmate. Those involved with our fellowship don’t come back to prison. We know of only one parole violation who returned. I want to be a part of doing what I can to give this to as many people as possible. At some point this went beyond working on the self and into even more self growth through working with, sharing with and teaching this to others. Nobody wants to remain in prison but when that day for release comes the changes must be in place to have corrected the mistakes and become productive members of society. T’ai Chi Chih is the path that helps those changes to be made.

22:00 Posted in Articles , Testimonials | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this