QiGong Prison Ministry

disciplines for difficult times

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Wed, 2 Apr 2008 07:45:00 -0700

This blog has been quiet lately because I am taking another break form my prison work, this time for the birth of grandsons expected in April and May. Ive been at a Spiritual Directors International conference and am now retreating at a near friends home outside of Washington DC. My meditations this morning inspired me to read some of Quaker Healer John Calvi's writings on his web site ( johncalvi.com) and what I found was a great recipe for folks like me, in times like now:

"Friends today are called to put out so many fires of injustice; cruelty, militarism and poverty; it may be that we haven’t been so busy since the days of King Charles and Cromwell. If this is so, then Friends should be called to greater spiritual disciplines than ever before – spiritual disciplines because the crux of our faith is to listen for the Divine message and at upon it. Listening and acting have become more difficult as the noise of the world from suffering and deceit has risen.

So, what disciplines should we attend to? Perhaps these:

enough silence, listening for the Divine, trying not to hear yourself
enough rest and nurture to be clear vessels to receive Light
enough stillness to feel our humility as fragile carriers of Light
enough comfort to offer our best effort
enough strength kept up for the long haul
enough concentration to focus while listening
enough love of life to see beauty while surrounded by pain"

from "A Call to Spiritual Discipline" Friends Journal May 2007

Student poems

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:51:47 -0800

Here are three poems from one of my students inside. The first relates to the man he killed. The second speaks for itself, and the third was one he wrote after one of the first spiritual circles we shared. Sorry i am not allowed to share his name, but enjoy his poetry!

Him

As the Spring time Ends,

and summer sets in,

i remember Him.

As I trace the lines in my hands,

from the ends to where they begin,

i remember Him.

As my heartbeat quickens,

and it's difficult to breathe in,

i remember Him.

As my eyes spill forth tears,

'Cause they're full to the brim,

i remember him.

When i think of all the chances,

That I'll never have again,

I remember Him.

Now i know that life is precious,

and how to be a friend,

These things I would have never known

if I did't remember Him.

*****

Inspiration

They are me, and I am them,

Another broken hearted, wounded man,

No matter what they say, or what they do,

It's a manifestation of what they're going through,

And its only to themselves that they can be true,

But they are me, and I am them,

Another struggling while wounded,

Broken hearted,

Man.

*****

Freedom Flight

Within this rust-coated birdcage

Populated by Eagles, Hawks, Falcons,

And the ones who wish to be seen as such;

Wings clipped, hooded, and jessed,

There are the select few

Who still yearn for the open sky.

Not fettered or encumbered with the weight

Of preoccupation with predatory pretense,

They instead would be content

To merely fly once more,

Feeling the wind slice through to their innermost parts.

they would forever forego meat

And only dine upon fruits

If allowed one final opportunity

To feel weightless,

The sun warming their back,

And the future as open, vast, and limitless

As the heavens that beckon them ...

Praying for our enemies

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:25:00 -0800

Funny how truths collide. In listening to one of my inside students last week speak about his difficulties with his work supervisor, I responded with a teaching that had a mere glimmer of a thread into a teaching I had once received.

He did not need to feel helpless. Nor did he need to turn to his habit of stoic resentments and stubborn justifications of his actions. He had some active, prayerful steps he could take. He could stay clean of resentments and judgments. He could activate his own connection with the spiritual support field. He could know deeply that they were both loved unconditionally by God.

Most importantly he could release, with his prayers and attitude, her (his supervisor’s) personal healing journey to the higher powers. Her work was her work. His work was his. They were bound together by the challenges of their relationship (the triggers and mirroring they were for each other); as well as the healing energy of God’s unconditional love and regard for them both. As his awareness was active in that larger energy of healing, it would support (without obligating) her participation in the same field. Invite the healing for himself. Invite the healing for her. Then watch for Grace, listen and follow.

Today, as I am combing my journals for poems, watching the rain fall quietly outside my window, I find the same teaching in my own journal. In 2005 I had been reading Walter Wink’s Powers that Be (p111). He wrote of how praying for your enemies submits them to a power greater than their oppression of you. This does not deny their power to enact injustice, but proclaims a greater overarching power of justice to which both sufferer and oppressor can turn to for inspiration, salvation and forgiveness. This style of prayer calls upon the “angel” of the oppressor to accountability of Divine Truth.

Then a few pages later on Valentines Day I wrote: The key to freedom is meeting oppression with love. Not escaping oppression by rejecting or fleeing, but engaging oppression with the dynamic of love.

In the prison system all kinds of us/them relationships exist. Staff, inmates, and guards see their lives and actions as negatively defined by those around them. Everyone suffers, everyone oppresses. Another way can open!

May all of the potential facets of this diamond in the rough learn how to pray for the light to shine through themselves and each other. For surely the potential is there for the friction to merely be the hands of the Holy chiseling out a diamond.

Hell on Earth Penetrated

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:45:00 -0800

This inspiring story/testimonial from one of my inside students is posted here after being reviewed and approved, but must remain Anonymous. English is this man's second language and I have left it as he wrote it.

Hell on earth, an existing universe created by mankind and inside our mind. Yet, some of us will find that there is peace and beauty where least expected. A place many would not survive unless one learned the techniques of respect, kindness and self control. With meditation, we can find enlightenment and maybe a little bit of Heaven here on earth -- in my case, prison.

Before I met Judy Tretheway, our Qigong instructor, my life was a living hell. I say this because I'm in a place many would call hell on earth ... a prolong nightmare wishing I would wake up from. I walked among hardened criminals like myself at the high security New Folsom Prison. Our daily monotonous life is similarly compared to a caged animal being lock-up in a small concrete cell with a slit of a window completely sealed airtight from the world outside. ... Only sunlight penetrates through the glass window, a teaser to remind us living inside of the freedom they have missed.

By the time we get our yard for good behavior, most of us walk around on eggshells all day like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any minute. Angry for being treated unfairly and being locked down for too long a period of time with nothing to do except wait ... and wait ... and wait some more for something to happen, or someone who would dare to challenge them. I have seen and had more fights with other inmates than the normal person living in the street in their entire lives.

Hell was where I was living. There was no meaning to life as I saw it in this God forsaken place. Walking in the valley of death is literally the term for it. One will never know who or when something sharp will penetrate their body when their backs are turn. Every minute and every second of everyday I have to put my guards up, assuming everything and everyone to be evil and dangerous to me. Everywhere I go I have to watch my back fearing I will be devoured by evil ... until Judy came into our lives and introduces us fellow inmates the ancient techniques of QiGong and Tai Chi Chih.

After a few weeks of strenuous meditation practices, I felt extremely calm and at peace with myself. There was something different in me like being reborn – similarly compare to the Christians being born again. I've learned to accept my life as it is and that has opened my eyes to a whole new different view. The way I walk and talk, the way I feel toward others, and the beauty I see in my surrounding left me at awe; like sweet candies, I couldn't get enough of it. I hunger for more rhythms and new moves from Judy. Whenever she shows up for our practices, everyone felt electrifying and full of energies at her presents.

In a loveless and uncaring place like this, we crave for her energy. She brought peace into our lives in a place of violence ... a place of mistrust and paranoia. Connecting us with the universe and finding the energy within. Qi or Chi, as some of us call it, is in all of us. It can be generated in the lower abdomen or the "Dan Tien", through QiGong or Tai Chi Chih moving meditations. I know I have a lot more to learn from Judy – this wonderful woman who gave her devotions and patience with our clumsy, unbalance QiGong movements.

On a sunny afternoon not too long ago, I was in the yard with fifty or so inmates. As I got through exercising on the yard and was a bit exhausted and overheated in the hot sun, I needed to find a shady area to relax and cool down. Under the shadow of the light pole, I found myself sitting on the green grass with a narrow shade next to the chapel. There are no trees, no kind of beauty that nature have to offer here at New Folsom, just the gentle breeze and the open blue skies. Mankind's ugliness and cruelty have built this place we call hell to destroy our dignity, pride and have kept us from roaming God's beautiful earth. Yet, as I sit there under the shade ... relax...eyes closed...feet cross... I took that perfect opportunity to meditate. My personal believes with meditation of any kind is that it can cause healings within yourself and healing toward those we want to heal... It is like a prayer directly to God Himself – connecting with the universe. My state of mind was calm and I thought about the QiGong movements Judy taught me.

Imagining the movements flowing...slow and gentle...arms swaying gently like waves under the sea. After about ten minutes of meditation, my whole body felt light as a feather like I was flying. I can feel the Chi as strong as ever. Everything around me seem to look different like watching a black and white movie – only now in colors. It all made perfect sense to me. The ugly hellish place everyone came to know no longer existed through my eyes. Not even the tall ugly concrete walls surrounding us could take away the wonderful feelings I had felt at that moment. Where others see ugliness, I saw the beauty everywhere. Even though I'm sitting in the prison ground and are surrounded with bad people, I felt it wasn't that horrible anymore. I'm in a place most people would cringe at the thought of the word prison along, but there I was, sitting in the shade blissfully happy.

The tranquility I must have felt causes shock to others around me. They were aghast to see something out of the ordinary, something they are not use to seeing in there banal life in here. Others came to question me; some just stares quizzically like I'm some nut. I can hear their criticism when they walked by. People whom I knew and hang around with tried to shame me, or saying how insane I was sitting there meditating all by myself. Their ignorance had blinded their senses of caring and understanding toward others. If the river flows one way, they all must go with the flow. That is how it is in here, if someone acted differently, then they stand out and are ridicule by others. I do understand why they reacted the way they do. While I'm walking in the light, they are still surrounded by ugliness and darkness known to them as hell. I'd tried explaining to them, but it was to no avail. They do not see what I have seen.

Paramahansa Yogananda once said, "Your eyes register only a limited degree of the creative vibration that makes up everything in creation... Those persons who have perceptive eyes enjoy beauty everywhere." I thought I was the only one who had felt this wonderful git until I read one of his quotes. He made perfect sense where I had failed to explain. I felt it, but I could not express it even in simple terms.

Hell on earth ... does it really exist? Of course it is. Unless you have meditated, and believe in meditation, you will not understand what I'm telling you. There is a calmness feeling when a person meditates. It is known that when a person meditates, the chemicals in their body changes, their mood changes, and their reactions changes Hell on earth does exist, but only in the mind of those who think they are so. We can all find heaven in a place we came know as hell. Just look around and you shall find! The hell I was living in sometimes creeps up behind my back, but now I know there is a cure to wade off that lifestyle. At last I come to understand the meaning of life and the beauty God had created for me, and maybe for you too ... even in prison.

What am I doing here?

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 12:25:00 -0800

Am I teaching the men coping skills so then can "go with the flow" of all the violence dished out at them -- by their fellow prisoners, by the nature of their confinement, by themselves, by the institution, by society?

Am I teaching skills to roll over, expose your belly and take all the treading upon with an inner smile?

Yes, I am, and oh my God, I hope not.

QiGong practices will provide tools to endure the harsh, violent dehumanizing time of incarceration. QiGong connects with a bigger field of harmonized energy filled with potential.

QiGong shifts the human body, psyche and soul in overt and obvious ways as well as subtle and subversive ways. To bring your body into a state of harmony and balance has consequences that you may not choose deliberately. Ripples vibrate flowing out from the center of awareness we cultivate, shifting our essence and relationships and surroundings.

I teach QiGong in prisons as a process essential to my personal journey. As I learn to serve those who seem so different from me, I know them as essentially the same as me. The ability to be change, to be peace, and the motivation to change violent behaviors, institutions, traditions arise from an internal place. When we know personally the place where peace and change dance as brother and sister.

When the impulse to become an instrument of change, and instrument of peace, comes from that core connection with the root of all life – with moving stillness – it is emerges from a source much greater that the self – then our service rolls out on the flow of God’s love and reaches amazing places.

Revolutionary change, such as what is needed to turn the prison system and cycles of human violence and alienation inside out, will not come from anger or fear– even though anger at prison conditions and fear of violence is a natural response. It will come from insight into the nature of human violence by those who have been there, someone who can see the path out, because they have suffered inside the belly of the beast.

Someone like Victor Frankle who in watching his comrades in concentration camps loose their sense of purpose quickly die, while those who founds scraps of purpose, stayed alive in their souls, and could live off moldy crusts of bread.

Someone like Nelson Mandela who could lead a nation through tribunals of reconciliation because he knew, and yet could see beyond, the poison of human hatred that had held them captive for years.

One of the highest visions I hold is that my coming, and the tools of movements of balance that we share, will quicken (catalyze/nurture/stimulate) such leadership – and the comradeship and internal support essential for systematic change as well as personal change.

I trust that as we cultivate balance and harmony within the chapel, it does not begin and end with our class. There are thousand sparks of divined light in any prison – God flows on the human kindness that operates even clandestinely undercover.

The truest revolution is a revolution of the heart. The healthiest change is one that happens from within, organically seeking the greater potential we all have as our human birthright.

QiGong moves us into a state of fluid participation with universal energies of a greater wisdom, love and harmony than our own. As we move our various dimensions of being into harmony we emerge transformed. This deeper level of participation with the life force that knows nothing of lockdowns, cell bars, guards and gates, and will carry us towards a time when prisons are a thing of the past.

Grace moving

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

For me Qigong is the divine flow of God’s grace manifesting in the here and now inside my very being.

When a group flows together we experience a very real place of communion and harmony.

Grace moving us together.

QiGong gives me a physical relationship with the spiritual.

I know myself as spirit incarnate;

I experience my movements being lead from within,

from the core essence, the inner light.

I learn and practice the alignment of my body and breath,

my emotions and mind, my past and future, my yin and yang …

I can stand in my truth, flowing between form and formlessness.

Fixing? Helping? or Serving?

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:32:15 -0700

My Soul Flares e-letter that just came linked me to this clearly stated essay by Rachel Naomi Remen: https://soulflares.org/index.php?main_page=document_general_info&cPath=75_93&products_id=327

Reflecting on the differenced between fixing, helping and serving is foundational to the work of anyone in the "helping professions". And these lines offer me another clue as I am always seeking to wrap words around the depth of my engagement with my travels inside prison.

"We cannot serve at a distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. This is Mother Teresa's basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy"

I encourage you to check it out... (Sorry my techical side is spacing on how to set up the address as a link.)

Letting the poems out

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 16:30:00 -0700

Encouraged by the men inside to stop being so shy about my poetry, I promised I would get some of my prison related poems out of my journals... Prison poems for blog 07.do

In taking out the prison poems, I got together acollection of Wandering in the Rubicon poems from my walking meditations in the Rubicon Canyon, Lake Tahoe...07 Rubicon poems 2.doc

And another group of poems from my travels in SE Asian and India Winter of 2007. 07 Travel poems 3.doc

Beckoned Inside

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 22:22:03 -0700

I am drawn inside
Two, three times a week
Driving the distance
Wearing the right colors
Labeled, screened, alarmed

So many locks, so many gates, so little invitation
    And Yet
Way seems to open as I make my way
Beckoned into that core sanctuary
    Drab, gray, stripped of idols and altars.

Beckoned inside,
over and over again,
into the Holiness that is calling …

The Holiness that claims the unique beauty of us all.
The Holiness that weaves us together
trashing the labels
    of saint and sinner, of male and female, of teacher and student.

The Holiness that beckons us further inside,
    further inside,
        further inside,
            with each visit,
                each communion,
                each movement,
                each breath.

Beckons us further inside
the sanctuaries of our own core being-ness
inside the harmonized movement of our group chi
inside of who we think we are.

The Holiness that beckons each of us
    inside the walls and gates,
        inside the guards and attitudes,
            inside our personal stories

Beckons us into the boundless,
    boundary-less freedom,
into the sanctuary of our core spiritual being.

I’ll meet you there
    Ducat or not,
    Gate pass or not
    Lockdown or not
    Capricious guards or not
    Fog line or not

Penetrate the barriers
    beckon yourself inside.

Living with your crime

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Mon, 8 Oct 2007 16:52:00 -0700

Sometimes when I speak of going inside Folsom Prison, people on the outside have a hard time with the fact that I am moving, laughing, sharing and meditating with murderers, rapists, drug dealers and car thefts. And also those who are in on parole technicalities and a few who have been falsely accused. For the most part I do not know their crimes, (and they do not want me to know). Up until now it has been easier that way; easier for me to know each one as just as I find them that day in the chapel. I don’t ask. It’s my business to teach meditation not to pry into their pasts.

Occasionally, their crime or sentence, directly or indirectly, arises during a conversation. Or I have a chance to read something they have written which speaks about the road they have taken. One man, who I see quite regularly, has “lost count of how many people he killed.” Whether this statement was for shock value or for real, I still don’t know.

Outsiders will ask, “How do they live with themselves?”

Some of the men inside lock it away, or bury it all under a tale of self justification or self victimization. Most keep silent, preferring not to speak of their past with people like me. Some learn to tell their story in different ways as they shift perspectives during the journey of their personal and spiritual transformation.

Two men have spoken directly with me about this over the 9 years I have been going inside. Their approach spoke of years of self reflection and healing, and as I have journeyed with them their actions have been in alignment with their words.

Their philosophy goes something like this:

A life for a life. My friend/enemy/victim/wife no longer has a life. My actions took away his life from him and took him away from all his family and friends; it took away the contributions he would have made in the world. That’s a permanent-no-going-back fact. I am still alive. I owe/dedicate/offer my life energy in return for the loss; it’s all I have to give and is still not enough. I dedicate my life to service; however I can find the opportunities, right here in prison. May I contribute to the worlds betterment times two – to honor him and to make honorable my own life.

Visiting Room Beauty

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Mon, 8 Oct 2007 16:44:59 -0700

Moments of beauty are precious inside the prison walls.

One evening I heard tales of how shocking it was to come into the visiting room for the first time. Each of the two men I was listening to had stories of coming off right out of years of solitary confinement and suddenly finding themselves in the presence of women and children. Neither of then knew what to do; they literally went into shock and had to be helped to take the next steps to find their visiting families.

Tears came to their eyes speaking of the happiness that comes with being present to children, watching them play, laugh and cry. They sighed and spoke softly when telling of how it is to see all of the beautiful women. "Women are all beautiful when you haven’t seen one for years." "The energy is so different in the visiting room, so real, so full of variety."

All I want is to be useful

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Mon, 8 Oct 2007 16:36:09 -0700

One of the biggest heartaches of being locked up is not being able to contribute. There is a long waiting list for the job of reading books for the blind and only a couple of positions available. Chapel clerk jobs are coveted. Most of the jobs available are full of down time; very few intail what we would call meaningful work.

Finding meaning in your life, having purpose is fundamental; and a fundamental challenge for prisoners. Two conversations recently brought forth examples to share.

One older man, who has always been a tinker and go-to, fix-it kind of guy, is now lost without his workbench. His last job was fixing guitars so others could make music. He knows that he will die here in prison because of some stupid mistakes (he did not elaborate) and he finds it such a waste not to be able to work, not to be able to fix things, not to be able to contribute. “They can keep me here for the rest of my life if they need to,” he said, “just let me do something useful!”

Another recently was privileged to tend the Native American’s garden while they were on lockdown. He was so full of joy and satisfaction when he spoke of the gift of being able to get his hands in the dirt and pull weeds, and to watch as birds came for the water, and the plants grew under his brief time of tending. He was getting hassled by other men and the guards for “going Native,” but found those easy to bear in exchange for the blessings of entering into the cycle of Nature for a tiny period of time.

The Sacramento Tree Foundation used to have a program where 1st and 2nd graders sprouted oak seedlings as a science project; and then the seedlings were cared for my inmates at Folsom until they were big enough to plant out in a park or school. The project was canceled years ago.

The men I come in contact with are hungry for meaning in their lives. There must be a way.

Home Sick Poems

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Fri, 5 Oct 2007 12:47:58 -0700

I’ve been home sick for the week with a cold/flu and my system always misses the journey inside (prison) and then in these foggy, sleepy, resting, healing times a variation of a trip inside often seems to happen. Here are yesterday’s poems written in and out of reading some Osho materials….I always seem to be floating between a deep knowing of the rightness of the work I do teaching QiGong inside the prisons and the contrasts between my life and theirs.
Judy Tretheway 10/5/07

----------------------------

Who’s going anywhere?

Traveling partners, you and I
    No common route,
    No easy directions
Finding our way between
    Prisons and freedoms

Spiraling inward independently
Expanding out into communion together

My one, solitary, free, female story
    weaving its way among
your many, congested, imprisoned, male stories.

Touching in,
    Intertwining
        ever so lightly, respectfully

Never suspecting we are going nowhere,
    only being "real" together,

Allowing our ripples to do the traveling for us.

----------------------------

Taking shape

It gives my “ME” shape, substance, to go inside prison:

I know myself as female, when all I see is men
I believe myself to be free, because I have the keys and walk away each night.
I can hear the teacher in me, when you come to listen.
I recognize my value, when your eyes sparkle with gratitude.
I sense my own connection to spirit, when your eagerness beckons the Force

Pretty much just pretense, no?

We are but clouds,
wandering around one special piece of sky for a moment.

Shape shifting
    between stormy and bright
Pouring out our tears together
    watering the earth
Offering up our flimsy substance
    to reflect a little light today

while waiting to be blown apart tomorrow.

----------------------------

Allow your eyes to adjust

What do you see when you
    SEE ME?
The Light side
    as God sees me,
    full of potential, full of spirit?

Or the Shadow Side
    cast by the density and pain of my story?

Wandering with eyes closed
Seeking without looking
Trying without trusting
Believing without experiencing

I am nothing without my Light
I disappear into the darkness

Allow your eyes to adjust
    Look at me, and I’ll look at you.

Nine years Celebration

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Sun, 9 Sep 2007 15:54:44 -0700

The end of October marks the completion of the ninth year of Tai Chi Chih classes inside Old Folsom State Prison.
I am assembling comments as to how this program has affected folks both inside and outside of prison. Will you send me yours?
--Judy

Healing Stories #2

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 19:05:00 -0700

I was also able to get permission to share this story from a different insider. -- Judy

Self healing with my own hands

I started studying QiGong with Judy about a year ago and the benefits have been many. Among other things, I have learned how to remain calm and have peace within myself regardless of what else is going on around me. This comes in pretty handy since at this time I reside in New Folsom Prison. Along with Qi Gong I have also been studying Reflexology and self healing in general.

Using QiGong and working the proper reflex points I have been able to improve my eyesight. I no longer have to have my glasses to read.

I suffer from chronic acid reflux or at least I use to. Through meditation and massaging my organs and stomach, I no longer need my medication every day. In fact at this writing It has been about seven weeks since I last found it necessary to take it.

I also suffer from piles, which at times bleed quite heavy and what doctors call a prolapsed rectum, which is very painful at times. The same thing causes both conditions, congested veins. Being in the same area both conditions have the same reflex points in the hands and feet. One night recently, I was working these reflex points in my hands when I actually felt the congestion break up and the swelling go down. This is something I didn’t expect and to be honest it kind of scared me at first, the relief being so sudden. Since then I have worked on these reflex points with a little extra care and am happy to report that I haven’t been bothered by either condition since.

So hey, find those sore or tender spots and work them out, do it daily, you’ll soon feel much better for it, I know I sure do.

Hey Judy, you are a special person and we all love your life, thanks for everything.

Healing Stories #1

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:59:20 -0700

This story of healing was written by on of my students some time ago, and I now have permission to post it on this blog. Some edits have been made as the original story was much longer. Because of prison regulations he must remain unnamed ---Judy

… sometime in August of ’04, I noticed a lump on the right side of my chest. When I first noticed this lump, there was a certain amount of pain associated with it anytime I brushed across my chest showering or laying on my stomach. This was quite alarming for me, as I believed that I was a prime example of excellent health; non-smoker, non – drinker, no drugs, no allergies and so on; a sense of panic set in.

A couple of weeks later, another lump appeared on the opposite side of my chest as the first one grew to the size of a large grape. Now I was dealing with two painful lumps, along with a foreboding sense of dread. I muster the courage to submit a request to be seen by a doctor in October … a doctor saw me in December and I was referred to an outside clinic for a series of mammograms and sonograms After I raised a ruckus I got the tests in February and the results in April.

Meantime, I’m involving myself in various forms of meditation to still my mind. I’m speaking with God more often while feeling chi, life force, spirit, energy move within me as I practice Tai Chi Chih.

Reflecting on my condition, I saw how overtime, I’d begun to get away from the “peace of self” and the love of “ALL THAT IS”, I’d begun to allow ill feelings towards my situation, my surroundings and the activities of my captors to seep in and turn love into hate. I’d grown used prison and allowed it to soak into my self. I’d begun a dark journey down the road towards becoming a prisoner. Not in the body; but in my soul. For over a decade, I had resisted this, but I lost my balance and this experience had begun to chip away at my self.

The cure was as simple as coming back to my center … listening to “all that is” and rejoining the group of “us’ who make up “ALL THAT IS”. It was akin to walking out of a pitch black room with no oxygen inside, onto the most perfect beach displaying a midsummer’s sunset. Words are wholly deficient to convey the epiphany … So I’ll not ruin it by trying.

Back to the medical condition of the physical … about a week after the tests were run, I went to bed one evening and woke up the next morning and the lump on the right side of my chest had disappeared. Not shrunk … not was getting smaller … it was gone … overnight. By the time I’d been taken back to the doctor to read the results and get a diagnosis, one lump had vanished and the other was shrinking. I’d been tested on 2/28/05 and by the time I get a diagnosis on 4/13/05, I was on a clear path to recovery … minus man’s medicine.

I had been stilling my mind. I had been surrendering to the flow of TCC. When I wasn’t engaged in my daily session of movement with the meditation, I was taking my instructor’s advice of “moving while sitting” and participating in the movements within my mind … visualizing the moves when I couldn’t physically move. While being transported from prison to clinic in chains and shackles … I was with the chi and moving in my mind and spirit. While sitting and waiting and wearing pounds of mental chains … I was with the chi and moving in my mind and spirit. This kept me centered in spirit.

Upon reading the test results, the doctor advised me that I had developed benign gynecomastra and surgery was the usual course of action to remove the lumps, more so for cosmetic purposes than of necessity, in order to relieve the pain and rid an individual of unsightly growths. I was told this condition arises when the body overproduces a particular hormone to battle an internal injury and a mass of scar tissue results. To determine a time to schedule surgery, I was directed to remove my shirt and as the physician began to examine me, he looked up in wonderment and asked if I knew why or how one lump had disappeared and the other was fading. I smiled and replied; “Don’t you know, you’re the professional?” With that, it was of course determined that I wouldn’t need to go under the knife.

As I write this on December 12, 2006, I have no signs of lumps, bumps or bruises in the physical and I continue to nurture my relationship with “ALL THAT IS”, and the mental and spiritual are relieved that I’ve deserted the path towards becoming a prisoner. I’m more myself more often these days and it’s a grand feeling … a grand feeling indeed.

Practicing Harmony

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Thu, 9 Aug 2007 18:45:00 -0700

Each class inside is unique. Each class opens a new portal into experiencing the cosmic flow (God’s grace / movement of the Holy Spirit / energetic communion). Today was no exception.

I was absent last week, visiting my mother in Seattle, and the men had practiced together. On my way in I found P. Who was one of the original men who founded our class in 1998 and has recently returned to Old Folsom prison. Walking in together he caught up with his perspective on current state of affairs as the prison system relates to my class.

A new man to class today has been a teacher of Tai Chi Chuan and was eager to learn the meditative style Tai Chi Chih that we practice. Whether it was his energy or another level of input, I taught differently today. The rhythm was new, my words prompting the moves were different. Long ago I gave up the need to have a class plan. Circumstances are always shifting under our feet so flexibility is required to stay balanced.

I trust what arrives in my mind to say is dropped there my the QiField, as long as I don’t get in the way with MY plans. Sometimes I do. I was inspired at one point as I was coaching them into synchronizing their movements, to observe as to how easy that was here in class to do, where there was no overlay of race, gender, gang or other such story. Might they notice how in the flow of the Qi we can’t really find those kinds of separations. I seconded guess the impulse and thought it wiser to leave it unstated.

Later after class I entered into a marvelous conversation with F. where we shared about the impacts of the class on each of us. He starting the conversation off with the BIG question: How has coming inside here over the past 9 years changed me? Within the wandering and very validating conversation, he spoke about how during practice he had felt a very strong sense of gratitude come in for this unique opportunity to move in a peaceful and purposeful way with all these other men. Checking with him as to when this feeling had come, we realized it was right at the same time I was ready to speak on the same gift. Saying it out loud, he coached me, will help raise the whole groups consciousness. Perhaps next time.

We talked about how we each effect each other and how seldom we get to hear of how our lives impact each others. I was grateful to hear some of how class had be a huge gift in his life and prison experience. The time came in the conversation to ask him how he was impacting those around him. A twinkle came over him and he shared about his walk across the yard coming to class. He lives just a few cells from another classmate and the two of them (one Black and one Hispanic) naturally and spontaneously walked to class together enjoying each other’s company. Others noticed and watched. Part way across the yard, what began as two friends walking, became a conscious demonstration of the harmony possible between races.

Practicing harmony, on the way to practicing harmony.

State of the Ministry 06

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Tue, 29 May 2007 16:50:00 -0700

This past January I filed this report with my Oversight Committee. Recently published in the Sacramento Friends Meeting newsletter I realized that it belonged here too. The first State of the Mnistry Report began this blog in 2004.

Since 1998 the Call to be actively engaged in supporting the men inside prison find access to their divine core essence, while cultivating a sense of communion with the flow of God through out all they are and do, has guided my life. Sacramento Friends Meeting has inspired, counseled, nourished and supported me as this Concern has grown over the years. Having an active Oversight Committee has given me a sense of companionship and supervision in what otherwise would be a solitary effort.

Hospice Chaplaincy: In January of 2005, I sensed that my work as a Hospice Chaplain had ripened, reached its fullest potential and I resigned in March. I felt spiritually called to re-center on my prison concern, understanding that if I opened up more space in my life, more would be asked of me. Quickly my programs for the men inside grew from two each week to six. My five years of Hospice and Hospital Chaplaincy added a great depth and sensitivity to my understanding of the vastness and variety of human potential and spiritual beliefs. I am very grateful for those experiences and the families that share their journeys with me.

Blog: http://chifully.blogspirit.com What began as a feedback opportunity for those who were praying for the men and my work in the prison has shifted over the past two years and 151 entries. It began with stories of the journeys inside the prison, the openings and the difficulties. Then it came into my heart that speaking about the men with out their being able to read it was out of integrity. I got permission and the blog was shared with my more serious students inside. About this time there was also a call to “let my life preach” and the blog content shifted focus to the journey inside me, the openings and the difficulties. It feels ready to shift again, and I am listening for the “how.”

Cell Visits: Fall and winter of 2005 I experimented with cell visits to my students. Some went well, other’s didn’t. I stumbled through a good deal of re-evaluation of my assumptions, cultural expectations, issues of privacy and respect. If I am to return to this practice, I must do it from God’s perspective rather than my own. Greater spiritual maturity will be required.

Programing: My own evolution as a Qigong and meditation teacher has taken some serious leaps inspired by challenges at the prison. I have also lead two different 9-month spiritual groups in worship sharing style. I keep experimenting with spiritual authority, how to mentor and stimulate inner discovery with men of a variety of backgrounds and learning styles. The Quaker in me focuses on empowering, which is different from the authoritarian approach most of the men are use to.

In April of 2006 I hosted nationally known prison speaker and spiritual elder Bo Lozoff, for 6 prison and 2 community programs. His spiritual clarity moved me, the men and the other volunteers in ways I am still hearing about. He reframed the prison experience as a gift, and offered up a model of self-less service done with great joy.

Personal spiritual challenges: I asked to be taken to a new level, and God has been answering. It is difficult to summarize this inner movement of the spirit, let me offer a few phrase: releasing my anger at injustice; rebalancing the nature of giving and receiving in my life; bearing witness - bearing burdens- facing towards; seeking undefended courage; giving up the known for the unknown; seeing the face of God behind everything; accepting helplessness; letting go of spiritual efforting; finding the difference between praying and being prayed. Scheduling rest days after prison days, helped ease the ebb and flow of my own energy. Answering to Sage advice and teaching my classes in silence for the last two months before my retreat, helped me cope with a rising sense of pride in being a spiritual teacher by turning the classes over to the true Teacher.

Weekend Retreats: I offered workshops focused on the query “How do we walk cheerfully when answering to suffering” at Quaker Center (Dec 04) and Pendle Hill (March 06). The months previous to each event were tumultuous spiritually as I struggled with the very questions I would latter support others in exploring. Despite all the preliminary personal chaos, the events themselves were full of the movement of spirit, facilitated with deep listening to the needs of the participants and plenty of grace.

Sabbatical (s): Consistency, which is so valued in prison programs, is always difficult with the men as their level of intention shifts, their housing shifts and their lockdown status shifts. This year for the first time my own consistency has been an issue. An accumulation of stressors and spiritual urgings lead me to take a three month break (July – Sept) and completely lay down the Call. Laying down the Call was heart wrenching and yet felt necessary to honestly allow full opening to the Divine desire for my life to rise above the chatter of my own desires. Sitting inside a giant cedar tree in meditation, I heard the voice of the Holy in the tree say to me, “ You belong in the prison just as I belong next to this creek.” Confirmation of the best kind!

I came back in October to lockdowns and volunteer troubles that allowed for very few programs to actually be held. At one point I had only been able to hold 4 of 40 classes. Those issues eased in December and January and I was able to teach most of my classes (currently 5 a week) before I left traveling in February and March. All my programs had to stop as I have no substitute available.

Possibilities: The position of Protestant Chaplain at Old Folsom has opened up and I have applied. Meeting has graciously supported me with a Traveling Minute and PYM with a letter explaining Quaker process.

God has been very much at work in my life and the life of this Call. This grace has not always been graceful. Yet even as I have been turned inside out and held upside down, my presence to the men God uses me to serve has remained sincere and healthy. I am deeply grateful for all the “grist for the mill” that this call has offered and for Meeting’s tender care of me throughout this journey.

Judy Tretheway, January 16, 2007.

Addendum: The Protestant Chaplain position never truly became available, yet the process of applying and listening deeply to the Call, has led me to step up in a bigger way and offer additional spiritual programs on each yard.

My travels this spring to SE Asia and India gave me good time away, perspective and opportunities for spiritual growth that are showing up in the classes and circles. We are dropping deeper, faster and with profound consequences for all of us involved as we engage the spiritual energy of the group (QiField) in a dynamic and conscious way, inviting the healing ripples in and sending the healing ripples out.

Sacramento Friends Meeting is hosting a potluck to share in the fruits of this ministry on June 17, 2007 about noon.

Fundamental Questions

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Fri, 11 May 2007 15:05:00 -0700

While I was traveling, I was unavailable for a magazine interview, so I sent the writer off to this Blog. She sent me a list of questions she was unable to find which were pretty basic. For the record I am including the questions and my answers here.

1. What year did you start with qigong at Folsom?
October of 1989

2) Do you still teach there?
Yes I teach still teach at Old Folsom every Thursday afternoon.

3) Do you teach at any other prisons? If so, where?
On the same “campus” is a separate prison called CSP – SAC, I teach programs in two different Yards there on Mondays and Wednesdays. I have also taught in the past at Avenal and Mule Creek State Prisons. I have no on-going programs at these prisons.

4) How often do you teach at Folsom?
Currently, it is three days a week, I teach 5 QiGong classes and facilitate 2 spiritual support circles.

5) Number of inmates in class? A range is good ie 1-20. What is the most common number in a class?
Most classes are between 10 and 20 students, I’d say 15 is the most common number. There are al lot of reasons student can’t get to class consistently. I am not allowed to supervise more than 25 students at a time.

6) How long do inmates stay in program on average? Shortest time? Longest time?
Shortest time is one session. Its not right for them. Not what they expected. My longest student has been with me for 8 years. In CSP-SAC I have students in each class that have been with me since I becan those programs in 2004 and 2005.
I suppose the average is 6 months, but it is out of their control, mostly they get transferred or given a conflicting work assignment.

7) What are the reasons you are aware of that inmates participate?
Seeking a little peace and quiet and relief from the stresses of prison life.

8) Have you seen any changes in participants that you attribute to Qigong?
Definitely. The longer term students, are able to surrender to the Qi flow, relax and operate their lived from a more centered position. They take a larger perspective on their situation and let down their barriers to support other men who are struggling with the conditions inside. Even those who come just a time of two who I have seen later have told me what a difference it made in their outlook and understanding of the possibilities availble to them. (See Testimonials section in the Blog)

9) Do you train participants to take over teaching qigong at Folsom? Does Folsom permit inmates to teach other inmates?
Not officially, this all happens as one friend to another. In each class I have senior students that help out with logistics, library materials, and fill in for me if I have to address administrative issues during class. They are eager to help new students or lead a practice if I need to divide the group into two.

10) If you stopped teaching, do you think inmates would continue practice?
Some of them Yes, many no. Much of the benefits are received through participating in an peace-generating activity with men of other races; in developing a mature relationship with a female; in learning to listen to their own energy, as well as that of the group; in experimenting with moving from their core integrity; in having an experiential relationship with the unconditional acceptance and availability of the Qi; in learning of their own capacity to feel and cultivate harmony within themselves and a group. Sometimes I think the actual form is the least of what I offer, and then again it is the vehicle for everything that happens.

11) What sort of security is provided, if any?
I wear a whistle and an alarm. On occasion a guard drops in the check on us. Official Prison chaplains are available for support if needed. The men in the class make sure it is safe for me and preempt situations without my involvement.

12) What sort of screening program did you have to go through when you applied to teach at Folsom?
Full security check run by the institution.

13) Do you receive any compensation from Folsom?
None. (Unless you want to count the headaches and hassles)

14) Why do you do it?
It’s a Holy Commission, a Calling, an honor to serve the Tao in bringing Harmony into extreme dis-harmony. It is a fertile field for my own spiritual and personal transformation. The men are grateful, eager and hungry. Our classes are the best thing that happens for them all week. Their appreciation is payment enough when my husband makes enough to care for our families financial needs. (See blog pieces under Reflections including: What changes? What motivates me? And How do I do what I do?)

Merging into Wholeness

noreply@blogspirit.com (Judy TRETHEWAY) — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 22:05:00 -0700

   The gap in blog entries was due to a lovely extended travel around the world with time in SE Asia, India and Switzerland. Much has changed, and then again little has changed. I’m back teaching inside the various yards of New and Old Folsom prisons three days a week and starting up some spiritual support and study groups to compliment the movement classes.
    My questions and observations of the group QiField, or the spiritual group dynamic are evolving with each experience. Here is a contribution I just sent off to the Tai Chi Chih publication, The Vital Force:

It’s not unusual for a Tai Chi Chih class to activate the QiGong state (Harmony) for both the individuals participating and for the group as a whole. In my experience it is unusual if it does not happen!

I have been exploring group spiritual energy for a number of years from a number of perspectives.   (If you’re curious they are on the blog I keep regarding teaching QiGong in prison: http://chifully.blogspirit.com/qi-field_writings)

The intellect is a feeble instrument with which to articulate this dynamic. Experience, stories and poetry get us closer to grasping that which is seemingly beyond our grasp. Here are a few from class the other day:

“I’m going to say it even if you all think I’m crazy, but I felt us all move as one.”

“I feel the whole space of the chapel participating”

“It was as if we all were one heart beat.”

I felt it more when we slowed, I could be more mindful.”

And my poem from after that same class:

Currents of Consciousness

Drop in together --
   You, me and the universe

Listening, feeling, finding
   A movement
   A stillness
Pulsing
   Pulsing off the ceiling
   Pulsing off the stars

Rising from the ground of being
Orchestrated by sinew and bone
Alive in the transfiguration of the moment

Perceptions peering
   inside out
   outside in

Finding no difference
Finding only flow

Best of all was a students sharing:

“When I am aware of tension escalating on the yard, or in our cells, I release this feeling we cultivate here in Tai Chi Chih class, this energy of harmony. It’s not that I send it to those fighting. It is more of a simple release. Usually things calm down.”

Aware that the harmonized state is always available, yet not something to be forced upon a situation, this student preformed the greatest of services simply by remembering, embodying, and invoking the harmonized state. Activating the Field in this way was all that was necessary, the rest evolved as best it could, with Harmony as a realistic and present potential.