Monday, October 31, 2005
Let My Life Preach
Blog readers, you are now nearly 1000 souls, looking in on me and praying for this work. My strength grows stronger feeling you behind me, watching over me.
My goal for this blog is that it serve as a circle, you sharing your prayers energic support, and me sharing the story of the prison practice and my spiritual journey. I really don’t know who you readers are and what kind of writing, which stories, would serve you best. What I am hearing (internally) is not to write for an audience other than God. Everyone who reads this is a child of God, and the intersection of our lives and experience is best left in bigger hands than mine.
Quakers have a tradition of sharing the experience of God’s movement in our lives through Spiritual Journals. The Journals of George Fox and John Woolman provide spiritual teaching in the context of individual struggle and openings while searching for a greater perspective. You don’t find statements proclaiming truth (creeds) with Quakers, but you do find Questions (queries) to ask yourself in prayer. George Fox challenged us to “Let Your Life Preach”. As I seek to be in Truth 24/7, can I offer up my journey in this way?
How can my writing become much more than personal catharsis and serve to “to let my life preach”? How was the chi (spirit, God) blocked or flowing this week (this class, this conversation) in myself, in the men, in the institution? How is Truth being revealed? How did my teachings emerge from the circumstances? How is God speaking through each student’s life and presence? How is this work remaking me, and the men? What are the ripples? Where is the stagnation?
As we wait and listen for the movement of spirit in Quaker worship, we must discern if a message that comes to us is for ourselves or for the group. As I choose what stays in my private journals and what gets sent to the blog, I feel called to discern likewise. If it is for the group, God will give me the strength to speak it and be with those hearing it. An inner “quaking” usually appears that helps me know. May I grow in my ability to discern the difference.
As I write this, I feel intimidated, even frightened, by what this new level of commitment means. I am remembering the spiritual story of the woman who grabs a branch falling off a cliff, and dangles there in the pitch dark, not knowing, fearing a terrible death on the rocks below. Time passes and no rescue is possible, so she must eventually choose to let go. ... She didn’t know that solid ground was but few feet below. I trust the same will be true as I open, letting the Holy move my blogging and releasing my fears.
As I have been listened to, by others helping me with this call to greater integrity in this blog, what moves me to tears and trembling is desire to bring the men out with me via this blog, to “let their lives preach”, for readers to bear witness as I do when I go inside to these other children of God who are finding their way in the face of great odds.
May we find out together where God takes this Journal.
May I find the honorable way to share the stories of the men inside.
May I use the same courage I find to teach openness and flow to a room of 20 maximum security prisoners, to expose my own vulnerability and unfolding spiritual story.
May I get quiet enough, and feel the communion with the readers, so that the messages will lift themselves up out of my quaking.
May this blog take on the spirit of a Meeting for Worship. May the Holy guide my steps and stumbles. Amen
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