QiGong Prison Ministry

At a gathering of prison volunteers this week we discussed integrity and accountability.  Some of us did have spiritual teachers (or an equivalent) that watched over us and to whom we were accountable.  But many were accountable just to the prison chaplains, who pretty much allowed them follow their own course.  This is an issue that any of us offering ourselves in service to others needs to address.

Even as deeply spiritual people we sometimes have a sense of indignation when someone suggests that there might be more to the process of integrity than our own honesty, and more to be accountable to than our own good ethics an personal relationship with the Holy.  

We deflect, procrastinate, and feel ourselves above the process of reporting in to someone else; laying bare the weaknesses in our own practices; telling someone the stories of our struggles so that they might reflect back our growing edges; telling someone our stories of victories so that they might reflect back our assumptions or pride.  This just doesn’t seem to be necessary.  Aren’t we doing just find on our own?  

Where do we find the time in the middle of all our service to the disempowered?  Where do we find the money to compensate those who counsel us when we are volunteers ourselves?  Besides, who is qualified to listen to us when we are out on the cutting edge?  Who can hold the stories of grief and violence?  Who is challenging themselves spiritually as much as we are?

Can you hear all the ego?  I feel justified to go it on my own, because God is with me, watching over me, because my intentions are the highest I can imagine. I know where to get support if I can’t handle it, right now everything is under control. Can you hear all the pride? Do we grow when everything is under control?

Several years back now I was at a Quaker retreat for those of us following Calls.  We shared together about going it alone, and having a safety net, or a leash.  Powerful testimonies helped me come into the understanding that we get much farther with realizing our highest potentials of our Calls when we have oversight, when we have people looking out for us, watching over and seasoning our impulses.  Those who had already walked this path spoke of how much further they felt they were able to go in taking risks, because they knew they were watched over and would get pulled back from anything out of line or dangerous.  Without the support network they had been constantly attempting to self initiate the checks and balances and felt that so often they had not risked what they might have, and did not bounce back as easily as they might have when deeply challenged.

We were bemoaning the fact that our Quaker Meetings did not seem to have the skills to provide the quality of oversight and guidance that we needed, that we had to spend time, we could spend on our Calls, educating them how to take care of us, that our Meetings just didn’t understand.  In worship that Sunday morning I rose to speak of the need to forgive our Meetings for being who they are, and offer up ourselves as tools for our Meeting’s growth and the development of the skills in Oversight.  When we keep ourselves open and vulnerable to supervision by our Meetings, we were keeping ourselves open and vulnerable to God’s grace to guide our calls.  No matter how healthy our personal discernment process, learning trust and vulnerability is essential and ultimately a blessing to both the Call and the community.

I now sit monthly with a spiritual director, as well as my Meeting Oversight Committee. The Sacramento Buddhist prison volunteers have a Sangha that welcomes my participation. I also have a network of mentors: former prison staff, former inmates, Qigong teachers, therapists and spiritual friends that are not afraid of the nature of my work or of challenging my ego.  Weekly I open up to some part of this team and ask for guidance.  I do this as a part if my practice, a part of the Call.  It’s a good way to stay humble and to keep others engaged with my journey and their own wisdom. I can clearly see the impact that expanding the base of my accountability and practicing “asking for help” has made upon my prison work.  Not only have the numbers of men impacted dramatically increased, but my own integrity,  presence and offerings are several important levels deeper.  

The key to “ask and ye shall receive” is that I must be willing to receive.

PS:  One of the best guides to volunteering, motivation and integrity is Ram Dass’s book How Can I help? I believe it is essential reading for all volunteers whose intention is to grow spiritually and have our efforts come from the place of highest integrity within ourselves.